Resources for Children

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members (Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family, 1996).

Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including children. Domestic violence creates a home environment where children do not feel safe and live in constant fear.

Children react to domestic violence in different ways, and reactions may vary based on a child's age and gender. Children exposed to violence in their home are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and/or behavioral problems compared to those who are not. Children who witness domestic violence may exhibit a number of common reactions. These include:

Fear
Anxiety
Depression and sadness
Loss of hope for the future
Act out aggressively, act tough, provoke fights
School problems including difficulty learning, concentrating, and remembering material
Social isolation, difficulty making friends
Difficulty trusting others, especially adults
Sleep problems, afraid to sleep alone
Nightmares
Stress-related health problems such as headaches, stomachaches, and fatigue
Bedwetting
Excessive attention seeking
Act impulsively
Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents
Fear of abandonment
Shame, guilt, self-blame
Difficulty expressing emotions
Withdraw, show little emotion
Low self-esteem
Embarrassment
Care taking; act as a parent substitute
Lying to avoid confrontation
Poor personal hygiene
Appear tired and lethargic

Experiences in childhood can have a long-lasting effect, and as adults, children who witness domestic violence often continue to suffer. They may:

Commit crimes/delinquency
Commit violence and/or abuse
Have alcohol and other drug problems
Be depressed
Have low self-esteem

In addition to the emotional turmoil that witnessing domestic violence can cause, domestic violence often endangers children. Children may:

Attempt to intervene during the violence
Get hurt during the domestic violence
Have their needs forgotten
Be threatened

Parents can help children cope with the overwhelming emotions they experience after witnessing domestic violence. Parents should attempt to:

Create an environment that is safe and predictable
Make an extra effort to establish and keep structure and routine
Be consistent; ensure that rules are appropriate to age and development of the child. Be clear about limits and expectations.
Be more nurturing and comforting - express verbal and physical affection
Acknowledge a child's right to have their own feelings, friends, activities and opinions
Participate in your child's life, in their activities, school, sports, special events, etc.
Provide independence, allow for privacy
Teach children appropriate ways to respond when they feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, worried and/or anxious
Talk and act so children feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves. Be gentle, be dependable.
Encourage physical play every day
Provide healthy food - cut back on sugar and "junk" food
Reduce exposure to violent or scary TV, movies and videogames
Limit a child's intake of caffeine, encourage children to drink water
Establish distinct boundaries within the family
Let children know when you are running late/will be home late
Give children choices
Be patient with difficulties in concentration, completing school work and other tasks
Avoid physical punishment/ avoid responding to children in anger or ways that result in them feeling fearful
Provide safe ways for children to discharge their anger
Provide soothing activities before bedtime

Children can learn to stay safe. Parents should teach their children to:

Keep away from the fighting
Get out of the home safely
Find a trusted adult to talk to
Go to a neighbor's home or other safe place
Know their name, address and phone number
Call 911

It is important for children to know that:

The violence is never their fault
Violence by one parent against the other is never OK
You want them to be safe and not attempt to intervene
That they are not alone

Statistics

Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence. (Pagelow, "Effects of Domestic Violence on Children," Mediation Quarterly, 1990)
A survey of 6,000 American families found that 50 percent of men who assault their wives, also abuse their children. (Pagelow, "The Forgotten Victims: Children of Domestic Violence," 1989)
Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30 to 60 percent of family violence cases that involve families with children. (J.L. Edleson, "The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering." Violence Against Women, February, 1999.)
A number one predictor of child abuse is woman abuse. (Stark and Flitcraft, "Women at Risk: A Feminist Perspective on Child Abuse," International Journal of Health Services, 1988)
The more severe the abuse of the mother, the worse the child abuse. (Bowker, Arbitell, and McFerron, "On the Relationship Between Wife Beating and Child Abuse," Perspectives on Wife Abuse, 1988)
Some 80 percent of child fatalities within the family are attributable to fathers or father surrogates. (Bergman, Larsen and Mueller, "Changing Spectrum of Serious Child Abuse," Pediatrics, 1986)
In families where the mother is assaulted by the father, daughters are at risk of sexual abuse 6.51 times greater than girls in non-abusive families (Bowker, Arbitell and McFerron, 1988)
A child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk fact for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family,1996)
Male children who witness the abuse of mothers by fathers are more likely to become men who batter in adulthood than those male children from homes free of violence (Rosenbaum and O'Leary, "Children: The Unintended Victims of Marital Violence," American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 1981)
Older children are frequently assaulted when they intervene to defend or protect their mothers. (Hilberman and Munson, "Sixty Battered Women," Victimology: An International Journal, 1977-78)
In a 36-month study of 146 children, ages 11-17 who came from homes where there was domestic violence, all sons over the age of 14 attempted to protect their mothers from attacks. Some 62 percent were injured in the process. (Roy, 1988)

Resources for Working with Children

Online Resources

Helpful Children's Books