Domestic Abuse Information
Challenges Facing Survivors
While in an abusive relationship, decisions are often difficult to make. Maybe your partner constantly promises to change. Maybe he apologizes after each episode of abuse and is especially caring and loving. Maybe he threatens to hurt you or your children even worse if you leave. As you contemplate leaving, you might also have questions. If he quits drinking, will the abuse stop? Am I doing something wrong? If I change, will things get better? The answer to all of these questions is "no." Alcohol is an excuse for his abusive behavior, not a cause. And you are not responsible for his abusive behavior.
Recognizing these things may cause you to re-evaluate your situation and begin considering changes you want to make in your life. If you decide to leave, you might face some of these challenges: safety, finding a place to stay, changing jobs or going back to work, income, childcare, having to get an attorney and/or going to court. These tasks might seem stressful or overwhelming, but remember that these are challenges, and you and your children are worth it! the support of advocates, counselors and support groups are available to you as you plan for transition to a new phase in your life.
If You Are An Older Woman
You may be isolated or dependent on the abuser. you may have been in a relationship or marriage so long that it is the only life with which you are familiar. You have the right to be safe and to live your life without abuse. Let someone know what you are experiencing and what you need to be safe.
If You Are a Person of Color
You may have experienced stereotyping, racism, or a lack of response. You may have doubts about help that is available to you. you are not alone.
If You Are Physically Disabled
The person who is supposed to be taking care of you may be the same person who abuses you. Perhaps it is very complicated because there are legal and financial issues. Sometimes abusers isolate you from friends and family. They may block access to other medical assistance or interfere with your communication. They may even refuse help or transportation. these are control tactics and they are not okay. There are legal remedies and people who are ready to help you.
If You Are a Lesbian or Gay Survivor
Abuse survivors in homosexual relationships may have specific concerns. You may fear discrimination or lack of support from legal, employment, social, or faith groups. you may have kept your sexual identity a secret, and fear it being revealed. You may have specific legal questions as they pertain to parenting and custody issues. You have a right to help and protection. In seeking resources, also ask about your rights to confidentiality.
If You Are a Person of Faith
You may be looking to your faith community and/or your religious beliefs to help you through an abusive relationship. You may have experienced a community of believers that has not been trained to understand domestic abuse and violence, and perhaps you feel your needs have not been met. Do not give up. There are wonderful resources from your tradition or denomination that speak against violence toward women and seek to support you.
If You Are an Immigrant and/or Undocumented
You may be controlled by an abuser who has legal status or threatens to have you deported. You may have limited access to employment, housing and resources, or have a language barrier. There are people to help you file for legal status and help with your legal questions.
If You or the Abuser are Under 18 Years Old
Abuse and violence are very real and scary even in dating relationships. While there are some different rules when either one of you are under 18, help is still available. If you are under 18, you are still eligible to file for a Personal Protection Order.
