Domestic Abuse Information

What About Couples/Marriage Counseling?

Many women request this kind of counseling. It is not recommended for two reasons. First, you may feel safe in a counseling session to say things that you wouldn't normally say in front of your partner. If his violence is not under control, and he is unhappy about what you have said, you could face more abuse when you get home.

Secondly, many couples/marriage counselors try to help by dividing responsibility for the problems evenly between the partners. But the violence is the responsibility of the person who is violent. They may not know how to recognize or treat domestic abuse.

As a couple, you and your partner may have other problems besides the violence. But unless the assailant changes and stops the violent and controlling patterns, there is little hope of fixing the other things. Individual counseling is appropriate first. Reconciliation counseling may be an option after the abuse has stopped.

Counseling for Abusers (Batterer Intervention Services)

Treatment for batterers should be done in a group setting. Groups teach batterers how physical, emotional, and sexual abuse hurts their partners and their children. Groups also hold men accountable for their behavior and provide a setting for positive change. They cannot guarantee change, but it is possible for abuse to be unlearned.

Men may enter these programs voluntarily, or they may be referred by their probation officer following an arrest. Several programs offer this specific counseling.

The Equality Wheel diagram on this site shows a healthy relationship based on equality.