Domestic Abuse Information

The Cycle of Abuse/Violence

Abusers may not be abusive 24 hours a day. Periods of calm can last moments, days, and even weeks or years. And while every situation is different, an abuser will often repeat three stages. One model of this cycle includes the tension building stage, the acute stage and the repair stage. Each stage intends to manipulate and keep power and control over the victim.

During the tension building stage, an abuser is moody and agitated. At this point in time, women in abusive relationships often feel like they are "walking on eggshells." Regardless of what a woman does, her partner becomes increasingly on edge.

The acute stage is where the actual abuse--throwing things, intense emotional abuse, verbal threats, physical abuse, rape, etc. It may start over something minor, such as burned toast or a wrinkled shirt, as an attempt to place blame for the abuse.

The repair stage is a period of calm following an abusive incident. It may include gifts, excuses or apologies. The batterer may promise that the abuse will never happen again, that he will change, or that he will go into treatment. Sometimes the "incident" is not discussed and no apologies are offered. Life is simply "back to normal."

As time goes by, good periods can become shorter and shorter, while the level of abuse escalates.

Diagram adapted from Walker, L. the Battered Woman. NY: Harper and Row, 1979.