Domestic Abuse Information
Why Do Men Abuse?
This is a good question and a hard one to answer. Some men who abuse have grown up in homes where they were abused or saw their father abusing their mother. Some men believe that a man has the right to control his partner. Some men blame their partner for everything that goes wrong and then feel justified to hurt her. Many excuses can be used to blame abuse, but the reality is that each person makes a choice to abuse.
The most important thing to remember is that if someone abuses you, it is not your fault. People who abuse and control others are responsible for their own behavior. If the behavior is learned, it can be unlearned with appropriate treatment.
Many men who batter show these signs of an abusive personality:
- Battered a previous partner
- Rigid sex roles
- Unrealistic expectations
- Pressure to commit quickly to a relationship
- Intense jealousy
- Belief that you belong to him
- Cruelty to animals
- Extreme differences in mood ("Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde")
- Attempts to control where you go, what you do, and who you see
- "Playful" use of force during sex
- Hypersensitivity
- Blaming others for his problems or feelings
- Any force during an argument
Men who abuse need to answer the question, "why do I batter?" for themselves. The behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs that go into battering are hard to change. Some men do not recognize that they have a problem until they are arrested or their partner leaves. Other men never take responsibility for their violence.
